It’s that time of the year that everyone dreads most. I don’t know what’s worse, having to spend time with your family or these year-end retrospectives. However, you need to brave through both annual traumas. Without further ado, here’s a list of the weirdest moments of 2008. Select one, or offer another zany story I might have overlooked (I tend to repress such memories). And away we go:

1) The Katie Couric Debacle. This is the way McCain’s career ends. This is the way McCain’s career ends. This is the way McCain’s career ends. And so it was, not with a bang but a “I can see Russia from my house”.

2) Hillary Rambo Clinton. We can never accuse Republicans of being the sole occupants of those castles built in the sky. Clinton blatantly lies and doesn’t think people will be smart enough to pick it up. Come to think of it, is she the gal we need serving as America’s chief diplomat?

3) Jesse Jackson wants to cut off Barack Obama’s nuts! In the most bizarre interpretation of family planning yet, Jesse Jackson relates his desire to separate then presidential hopeful Barack Obama from his testicles. If he would have grown up watching Bob Barker on the ‘Price is Right’, then he would have known that that particular option is to be considered solely for cats!

4) Eliot Spitzer Swallows! John Edwards would have made the list had his political career been alive for it to have been killed by a sex scandal. Instead, we get Spizty’s tryst with a 22-year-old whose years of drug abuse have rendered her fugly. So fugly indeed, that the now ex-Governor’s menopausal wife Silda was actually way hotter by comparison!

5) The Economy Rollercoaster! Between market performance rivaling the Depression for greatest downward slope and the GOP’s historic bungling of the situation, this year was one wild ride for the American economy. Just ask Ed McMahon whose $10,000,000 check bounced forcing him to panhandle on Larry King’s gabfest. It seems Johnny forgot to mention him in his will and Dick Clarke just won’t die!

6) The Immoral Majority breaks its silence. Steve “Little Rove” Schmidt was John McCain’s senior campaign strategist. As lead strategist for the Bush campaigns, he was Karl Rove’s protege. For McCain, he brought race baiting, class warfare, moralizing and mud slinging to new lows that saw even Papa Rove calling for the GOP to tone things down. However, the alarm bells went off for everyone but chief moralizer and convicted drug felon Rush Limbaugh and his clones when Schmidtee gave a speech to a gay lobby group calling for full acceptance of their lifestyle, relating how he -like all GOP weasels of distinction- has a gay sister. Other famous Republican’ts with pink relatives include Newt Gingrich, Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, Alan Keyes, Larry Craig’s wife…

7) The New England Patriots go 18-1. After having the first perfect regular season in the history of the NFL’s 16-game schedule, the Pats breezed through the playoffs but couldn’t seal the deal against a New York Giants team that went 10-6 in the regular season. Aging ’72 Dolphins rejoice! You still have that one thing to make a toast to in your otherwise pathetic, bankrupt lives.

8) Rosie O’Donnell’s prime-time program canceled after only one airing. Just when we thought Sarah Palin had bumped old Rosie from her perch and assumed the mantle of America’s most ridiculously spectacular train wreck, Rosie colludes with NBC to wrest back her crown. (I mean really, a variety show? What’s next, Christian Slater in a spy show? Oh, wait…)

9) World’s fattest man gets hitched…to a truck that wheels him off to his wedding! The one cool thing about being a fat a$$ of this magnitude is apparently never having to wear clothes. It would be safe to assume that out of all the stories on this list, pound-for-pound this was the biggest. OK, I’ll stop. Don’t worry, it’s almost over.

10) The Black Friday Stampede at Walmart. I don’t know what’s zanier, the fact that this happened or the media’s contextualizing of it. Then again, we are referring to the media of which Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Greta Van Susteren, Bill Bennett, Lou Dobbs and Nancy Grace are members. Well, this concludes the list. Stuff your stockings, spike you egg nog, make copies of your tuchus at the office Christmas party and have a happy new year…

Don’t despair, humble minions. Regardless of these grave moments of ignominy, the world is actually resetting to normal pre-Bush levels of sanity. See you next year when we wrap up the Y2K Decade!

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